Ashley, 17, Canada
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If your family ever feels dysfunctional just remember that my parents got divorced and didn’t tell each other where they were moving to so they ended up moving in the same neighborhood and becoming neighbors

(via spicy-vagina-tacos)

Me:then fucking act like it
KID :mommy, i cant sleep, there's a monster under my bed
MOM :that's silly, theres no such thing as mo- OH GOD ITS TEARING MY ARM! Just kidding, he only eats kids, goodnight!


we all have dicks we regret sucking

(via fruitcrocs)


astronomers got tired after watching the moon go around the earth for 24 hours so they decided to call it a day

(Source: communistbakery, via heliolisk)


Favourite jokes

  • Referring to any four-legged animal as a weird dog
  • Massively underestimating the number of nearly uncountable objects
  • Massively overestimating the number of clearly countable objects
  • Bad puns in TV episode titles

(via offlcer)


have you ever known somebody so shitty they completely ruin that first name for you?

(via strb-cks)

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